04-19-15 On Running Away...

Tim went on a retreat with the men from our church this weekend. I am very glad that he got the chance to go. He always looks forward to this weekend. 

With him gone, though, it meant I was on my own with the kids since Friday evening. And I'm going to be brutally honest... It was horrible. Don't get me wrong, there were definitely some great moments. We went for a walk with my mom and sister and got to see some beavers swimming in the inlet near our house. The kids got to see a magician and it was pretty cool watching them get stumped by his tricks and illusions. We played outside. We ate a lot of waffles and pizza and mexican food.

But with Tim gone they pushed every limit. Every request was met with a "no" or "not yet." I was kicked. I was hit. I was screamed at with such intensity I'm surprised they didn't lose their voices. No amount or variety of discipline broke through the disobedience. They wouldn't fall asleep at night and would wake up super early in the morning. The baby was up 2-3 times each night. It was exhausting and disheartening. 

Tim's arrival this evening brought some relief. I was so glad to see him home. He offered to watch the kids so that I could run to the store to get our groceries. And so I did. For 45 blessed minutes I strolled through the aisles in no hurry to leave. I paid and started my drive home. 

The sky was growing dark. The air was shifting. I debated about stopping by the boardwalk, since I was in no great hurry to go home. So I stopped. I parked. I got out. 

I walked over to the boardwalk, to the end of a small pier. The waves were crashing under the boards beneath my feet. The wind roared past my ears, whipping my hair. It was cold. The kind of cold that pushes through the fabric of your clothes, through your skin... Deep down to your bones. But I stood there hearing nothing but that wind and those waves and it was perfect. For those ten minutes, my only responsibility was to breathe.

So there it was, my adult version of running away. When my ten minutes were over, I smiled knowing that I was going home to the people I love the most in the world. It might be hard, it might be frustrating, it might make me break down and cry sometimes, but motherhood is one of the best things that has ever happened to me and so completely worth it.