I remember the excitement, and the panic that soon followed at the thought of having a child. How could we possibly be ready for this. Tim and I had been married for two years and our friends had started having kids. We had just had two nieces born and we were at that point in our marriage where people started asking if we were next.
I was still just a contract employee at my job and I wondered how having a baby would affect my situation. I wondered if I was cut out for motherhood. I didn't know much about being a mom, but what I did know is that your life was no longer your own. There would be another human being absolutely and completely dependent on you for their very survival. And that thought seemed immense!
As I settled into my pregnancy, I wondered if the nervousness would wear off. Morning sickness was a horrible beast. Soon my belly was growing and I was feeling kicks and movements. Ultrasounds were magical moments I wished I could do daily. I would laugh as my belly bounced with baby hiccups and I would tear up at the strong kicks into my ribs.
I remember standing in the baby aisle at the store trying to register for my baby shower and being completely overwhelmed at all my options, having no idea what I might need, and furiously texting and calling my sister in law to double check my choices.
As the warm months dragged on and I got more uncomfortable, the feelings of anxiety began to make way for feelings of anticipation and excitement. My due date came and went, and so did my fear. I just wanted it to be done.
And when she arrived, everything changed. Those first few weeks were a blur of mind numbing exhaustion, colic, and recovery. And by the time December 7th rolled around again, I went by a new name... Mommy.
Six years later, that name still sounds sweeter than I ever could have imagined.
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